The Crush Continue

Hey, a view days ago I have been told you that I’m in crush with someone right? Well this thing is continue. As you know, recently I can’t think about another girl beside my crush even though I can I feel guilty and stop thinking about another girl and thinking about my crush again. Is it weird? I know it’s weird. And, I feel sad if I didn’t see her in one day…it just she’s all I want to see all day long, really. I’m crazy like that, but the most weird thing that happen to me about my crush is…I keep seeing her photos every time I hold my phone, I’m thinking to set her photo to be my wallpaper and screensaver but I’m afraid other people when they lend my phone they will see it, or the worst…when my crush lend my phone, and she’s seeing her photo to be my wallpaper and screensaver of phone…I probably will kill myself at that moment, figuratively.

But in the other hand, I get excited and happy about some of little thing. Example, when even she’s reply or retweet of my mention to her in twitter or maybe when I thought she’s talking about secretly in her twitter account, or even when she’s smiling at me when she sees me that could be a joyful for me…just saying. But I started to thinking, is it wrong if I like this girl? Is it all of this was a mistake? What if all of this is just a big mistake? I mean I can’t imagine if all of this is a big mistake, honestly I can’t handle it. I can’t handle the feeling of the mistakes in love, whether is just a crush…I just can’t handle it.

Everyday I pray to the God, so he will show me that if she’s really my soulmate, just keep her near from me. But, if she’s not my soulmate, just keep her far from me. But I still believe that she could be my soulmate, she could be “the one” for me. You may lose the debate competition, but just don’t lose a belief…Redy. I’m sure as long I can think about her all day and night, I’m sure I’m still in crush with her.

To be continued…

Debating Competition in Olympiad of Literary 2012

Okay guys, a couple days ago I participate the debating competition in my campus. I represent my class which is 2010 class with my two friend, we’ve got a competitor from the class of 2011 which is the new one. The topic or the motion of the debating at that time is “Higher Education is unnecessary”, and my team had to against that motion which is we have to convince that Higher Education is necessary. Well, that’s not going so well. You see, my two beloved partners are to be chosen whether they like it or not. So, they not really prepared with all the possibilities that could happen. Sadly, so am I. Honestly, I can’t blame my two partner because when they just said they have agreed to partnering me in the debate competition I already feel happy about it that at least I have a partner. But maybe they’re a little bit…how do I put this delicately, messed up. Yeah, I’m sorry that I said like this but it’s the reality. Example A, my first partner kept asking me what’s the word in English that she will say. That’s horrible, the judges obviously pay attention what she’s doing. Example B, my second partner said his opinion about the motion nicely, but in the end of his turn he said something too embarrassing if I write in this blog. But don’t worry, I won’t mention the name of my partners in this blog…poor them.

Wait, wait, wait… I haven’t told you guys about the stupid and idiot thing that I did back then. Here it is…first, when I step up onto the stage to say all of my opinion about the motion. In the earlier, my friend have been told to me to hold the mic right below my mouth so my voice will hear by the other people clearly. But I did exactly…what I did in a last year debate competition, I hold the mic too far from my mouth I even didn’t notice it, damn! That’s so embarrassing…!!! I can’t imagine how stupid and idiot I looked at that time…second, when I say my opinion about the motion, my beloved opponent keep asking me a POI (Point Of Information) for the clarification of my opinion even though I haven’t finished all my opinion, damn! So, there it goes I’m just looking stupid answering all my opponent POI while I fooling myself in front of the audience and the judges. Also, I answering my opponent POI not good enough until one of the judges comment that: “Your opponent asking this thing, you answering the different thing, it’s going nowhere!” SO FREAKING EMBARRASSING MAN…!!! Geez, can you believe that? In the end of the day, we lose from the junior class… after all, it’s has been one year and haven’t learn anything about debating competition.

But against all odds, I am never want to embarrassing myself like that ever again. I promise, I will learn from my mistakes…again. We’ll see you next year, debate competition… and when I see you next year, I’m gonna give you a piece of my mind!, you’ll see… Hahaha…!!! Hahaha…!!! Hahaha…!!! #EvilLaugh

Viva La Papua

Recently in the news, I saw the Papuans want to declare their independence from Indonesia. Well I can just think about one thing, it’s injustice of the government of Indonesia to the people of Papua. Think about it, they have a rich land with all the nature resources including gold which is the most expensive and profit investment in the world! The Papuans should be wearing a big gold bling-bling made of gold like a rapper from America in there, in fact they didn’t get the benefits from their own natural resources land. No wonder they want to declare their independence from Indonesia so bad, because yeah you know the government of Indonesia is haven’t done nothing significant for the Papuans, it’s like they even not care at all about the people in Papua.

The people of Papua.

If we review a little bit about achievement from the people of Papua that represent to Indonesia is uncanny. One, many athletes from Papua have been achieved such a goals in Indonesian sports. For example, the three great and brilliant soccer players that defend our national football such as Patrich Wanggai, Titus Bonai, and Okto Maniani is from Papua. Think about it, those three soccer player from Papua I think they’re the most great and brilliant Indonesian soccer players that Indonesia ever had. Don’t let them down, because they’re not let us down right? The point is The Papuans have give a full-contribution to Indonesia, and what does the government have been give to them? Nothing! The government have been give them nothing! Unbelievable.

Honai House, a traditional house from Papua.

The view of Raja Ampat, West Irian.

I’m just saying that if we don’t want The Papuans separate from us (Indonesia), we have to care about them. Can you hear me, the government?! I hope you can hear me! You have to care about the people of Papua…!!! Please, don’t let them separate from us! They are the black pearls of Indonesia, and we have to protect them from the other country who want to take away their natural resources and their rights for their own land…!!! God bless you, Papua. Viva La Papua…!!!

The meaning the name of my crush

-          Dependable, Wise, Influence and Powerful,

-          The Strength,

-          God’s Give,

-          The Prosperity,

-          A Party, Joyful and Wedding,

-          A Perfect Job,

-          A Sacrifice,

-          A Well Success, Smart, and Lucky,

-          A Loving and Caring,

-          And Pure.

I hope she didn’t read this ;)

Puisi #2

Aku suka dia

Setiap kali ku melihat dia…

Berdebar-debar hati ku rasa…

Ada sesuatu disini, kecuali aku gila…

Rasa yang sudah lama hampir ku lupa, aku suka dia…

Mengapa hati ku ini bimbang, bukannya senang…

Dihinggapi perasaan yang tak menentu…

Akan sebuah hubungan yang tenang…

Membantuku melupakan masa lalu…

Ya Tuhan, dia sangat menawan…

Dengan senyumnya yang bagai pelangi…

Memancarkan keindahan setelah hujan…

Ya Tuhan, dialah pengisi hati yang kosong ini…

Seperti setiap gadis yang aku sukai…

Ku harap kau tidak membenciku...

Karena sesungguhnya aku ingin mengakui…

Bahwa ternyata aku menyukaimu…

Crush Crush Crush…

That’s right, I have crush on girl right now. This is the first time I feeling it again since my last relationship 4 years ago, can’t you believe that? Well… it starts when I started to think about her all day and night, can’t thinking about another girl (that’s kind a weird thing to confess, isn’t it?), can’t stopped stare at her photos (another weird thing to confess, isn’t it?), the point is…I have a feeling for this girl, I don’t know…it just she’s all I think about lately… OMG, am I falling in love with this girl?

 

Well, according to the Oxford Dictionary… the word ”crush” is a strong feeling of love that usually does not last very long. I’m a bit disagree with this Oxford statement, I have this feeling quite long though… even since last year (2011) till now (2012), it’s quite long isn’t it? Since I got her phone number and Blackberry pin if that matter. Let me describe a little bit about miss “you know who, oh I forget you guys don’t know who she is”, she’s using a veil (of course she’s a Muslim like me), she’s lovely, she’s beautiful, she’s smart, she likes both, of a cat and dog (that’s the dream, at least for me) and what I like from her the most is she has a unique-cute-adorable… (it’s a secret). But here’s a little flaw… she’s older than me, but you know what they say… “Love doesn’t know an age” (literally), although my father said that it does matter but for me it doesn’t. I mean if the girl can protect and take care of her own beauty, she will look “young-lasting” (in Indonesia we called it: “awet muda”, yeah that’s what I meant).

At first, I honestly feel a bit scared when I feel this feeling. I don’t want to screwed up a friendship between us and lose her as my friend, but in the other hand I do want to in a relationship with her and be her boyfriend. I don’t know… I  just confuse between this love and friend, I don’t know what to say to her. What if she rejected me? What if we can’t be friends anymore? What if I screwed the whole thing up then I lose her as a friend? Gosh…!!! There’s too much pressure that I can’t handle it. See…??? I’m scared here. But I tell you this though, she’s very special (she has a very special name either), she so warm and wonderful (I mean her personality, at least in my opinion). I don’t know, I just want to be with her all the time, I want to hear about her day and tell her about mine, and I want to hold her hand and smell her hair (well, she’s using a veil…so maybe this one is for later). For the love God and I swear to God…!!! I love this girl…!!! But, I don’t want to lose her as a friend, or in my life if that matter… I’m crazy about this girl! God! I guess I’m not hopeless romantic, I’m helplessness romantic… I desperately need a help on this case. But then I realize, from now on… I’m on my own right now.

Anyway... beside a little thing that I’m scared about this feeling, I’m also feel happy and excited about this feeling. I mean we don’t have to “negative thinking” all the time, right? We have to “positive thinking” about all the possibilities that may happen in our life, so for God sake… Stay Positive, Redy…!!! Stop freaking out, Redy… Stop freaking out…!!! By the way, I was willing to kept this feeling as long I can keep it. As long I can still thinking about her all day and night, I cannot lie what I feel… this is LOVE. So far, as long I feeling this for less than two weeks… Love is very wonderful-confusing feeling, but I enjoyed every second of it.

Thank you God for allow me and let me love someone again, thank you so much… and also thank you for miss “you know who, oh I forget you guys still don’t know who she is” for making me love someone again, which is you… I LOVE YOU… but l will kept this feeling in my heart, for now.

The meaning of my name: Redy Pajero Siswadi

In a name, there’s always a meaning on it. Whether it’s a name of the hero, name of the great prophet, or one of the 99’s holy name of Allah SWT. For me, it’s name for a car. In 1993, when the Paris Dakkar race in the dessert is very famous at that time there’s a car that always win that race, and that car is Mitsubishi Pajero. I mean if the car that always winning at that it’s a Pajero, my name could’ve been more weirdly, say it was a Volkswagen… then my name will be “Redy Volkswagen” or something…  thank God that it didn’t happen, cause that one was a bummer. But then in some magazine, I found out that the name of “Pajero” is the name of a wild cat from Argentina. Weird, right? And the story of name “Redy” is my father hope that I will always be ready for everything that come up in my life. Well, that’s a short history for my name.

This is Mitsubishi Pajero Sport, the car that in my name.

 

Very cool, right? No wonder my Dad like it, and decide to give the name of the car to me.

 But, today while I searching about the name meaning of someone special (a crush) in some website. I try to searching about my name too, you know just for fun. And here’s the result, the name of “Redy Pajero Siswadi” have meaning:

-          A perfect job,

-          It’s long way down and it’s an tired journey,

-          The Mysterious and the Influence of the Leadership,

-          The Healthiness,

-          The Feeling to the Justice,

-          Sadness and The Un-perfection,

-          The Stronger,

-          The Goodness and The Perfection,

-          Spiritual, Mystic, and Believe in Spirit,

-          The Fame and The Marriage.

Anyway, it’s just for fun right? Don’t take it too seriously, Redy.