Crush Crush Crush…

That’s right, I have crush on girl right now. This is the first time I feeling it again since my last relationship 4 years ago, can’t you believe that? Well… it starts when I started to think about her all day and night, can’t thinking about another girl (that’s kind a weird thing to confess, isn’t it?), can’t stopped stare at her photos (another weird thing to confess, isn’t it?), the point is…I have a feeling for this girl, I don’t know…it just she’s all I think about lately… OMG, am I falling in love with this girl?

 

Well, according to the Oxford Dictionary… the word ”crush” is a strong feeling of love that usually does not last very long. I’m a bit disagree with this Oxford statement, I have this feeling quite long though… even since last year (2011) till now (2012), it’s quite long isn’t it? Since I got her phone number and Blackberry pin if that matter. Let me describe a little bit about miss “you know who, oh I forget you guys don’t know who she is”, she’s using a veil (of course she’s a Muslim like me), she’s lovely, she’s beautiful, she’s smart, she likes both, of a cat and dog (that’s the dream, at least for me) and what I like from her the most is she has a unique-cute-adorable… (it’s a secret). But here’s a little flaw… she’s older than me, but you know what they say… “Love doesn’t know an age” (literally), although my father said that it does matter but for me it doesn’t. I mean if the girl can protect and take care of her own beauty, she will look “young-lasting” (in Indonesia we called it: “awet muda”, yeah that’s what I meant).

At first, I honestly feel a bit scared when I feel this feeling. I don’t want to screwed up a friendship between us and lose her as my friend, but in the other hand I do want to in a relationship with her and be her boyfriend. I don’t know… I  just confuse between this love and friend, I don’t know what to say to her. What if she rejected me? What if we can’t be friends anymore? What if I screwed the whole thing up then I lose her as a friend? Gosh…!!! There’s too much pressure that I can’t handle it. See…??? I’m scared here. But I tell you this though, she’s very special (she has a very special name either), she so warm and wonderful (I mean her personality, at least in my opinion). I don’t know, I just want to be with her all the time, I want to hear about her day and tell her about mine, and I want to hold her hand and smell her hair (well, she’s using a veil…so maybe this one is for later). For the love God and I swear to God…!!! I love this girl…!!! But, I don’t want to lose her as a friend, or in my life if that matter… I’m crazy about this girl! God! I guess I’m not hopeless romantic, I’m helplessness romantic… I desperately need a help on this case. But then I realize, from now on… I’m on my own right now.

Anyway... beside a little thing that I’m scared about this feeling, I’m also feel happy and excited about this feeling. I mean we don’t have to “negative thinking” all the time, right? We have to “positive thinking” about all the possibilities that may happen in our life, so for God sake… Stay Positive, Redy…!!! Stop freaking out, Redy… Stop freaking out…!!! By the way, I was willing to kept this feeling as long I can keep it. As long I can still thinking about her all day and night, I cannot lie what I feel… this is LOVE. So far, as long I feeling this for less than two weeks… Love is very wonderful-confusing feeling, but I enjoyed every second of it.

Thank you God for allow me and let me love someone again, thank you so much… and also thank you for miss “you know who, oh I forget you guys still don’t know who she is” for making me love someone again, which is you… I LOVE YOU… but l will kept this feeling in my heart, for now.