Afraid to lose

As these years, I’ve been figured out who I am. And then, I realized something that I’m really afraid to lose something or someone in my life. For you all who have been read this, please ask the psychologist and the therapist is it normal or not? Because I’ve been feel this way since I was in high school, or when I was in my first relationship with my ex-girlfriend. I thought that I will never lose her, and as the result I lose her when she gets back together with her ex-boyfriend. Guess “you’ll never know what you have, until it’s gone” is wrong, because I know what I have, but I just thought that I’ll never lose it. But people said that “Defend it” is more hard than “Get it”, I think that one is right according to my past relationship experience. Every time I do mistakes, I promise that I will learn from my mistakes. And every time I lose something that I cannot replace, I regret it. See? The lyrics of “Fix You” by Coldplay is really in to me, it stuck in my head for a long time but it’s cool. I like it.

 

But the ridiculous thing is that I’m not just afraid to lose something pretty big like a relationship or friendship. Those two things are very important to me, it’s below the family. I also afraid to lose something quite little, for example like a “flashdisk”. I don’t know, it just…it’s suck if you lose something, you know what I mean? Even though you’re not trying too hard to get it, but if you appreciate that thing enough for yourself, you will feel the same thing like I had. I know it’s silly and pathetic to afraid to lose something that little. But if you think so, you’re just someone who’s not appreciated a little thing and it’s not cool for me. I appreciate even the single littlest thing, and I will try to not lose even the single littlest thing I ever had. It’s nice to preserve something that’s already existed, you know. The same thing that I feel is about should I defend my crush feeling to the girl that I like for this past month, or not. Because as far I observe, she’s not quite interesting to me. I know it’s hard to say, but it’s just the fact. I’m sorry you have to found out this way, dude…don’t worry, there’s gotta be someone out there for you that way better than her, but in a meantime…keep your crush feeling to her as long as you can for right now, who knows that you’re maybe on something here. See, I’m really afraid to lose something here even though it just a crush feeling that literally mean nothing to me beside the happiness that I got when I see her…damn it! Guess I’m too in love to let it go...

But then I realize, sooner or later that we’re all will lose something or someone in our life whether we like it or not. That’s why I will always pray to the God if I’m about to lose something or someone in my life, please make me strong enough to handle the loss. And I know God must be have a better plan for my life when God took something or someone out of my life, I always believe that. Thank you, God. Because all I know is “You’ll never get something or someone in your life, if you’ll never lose something or someone in your life”.

- Redy -